Last week I came down with a bad case of cold and so I went to see a pharmacist/friend. In between talking and waiting for my prescription I noticed a young guy as he walked into the drugstore. The first thing that I noticed about the dude was that he sort of looked jumpy, exactly the figure of an amateur who would want to hold up a drug store in some black western flick. Well, I whispered to my friend since I strongly believe in prevention (moreover a guy has to protect his arse), he just gave the guy a cursory glance and then smiled to me. “He just wants to buy a Condom”, he whispered to me.
I totally got it. The dude needed privacy to buy a condom (guess he forgot time waits for no one) but to me, it was really cool. I know, you are asking yourself…buying a condom?? What is cool about that?? And maybe some geek out there is asking too; what is a condom?? As a good teacher thought me, I would start with simple definition first. A condom is a device (barrier) used during sexual intercourse to reduce the probability of spreading pregnancy and Sexually Transmitted Infections (don’t start asking me…can one spread pregnancy?…and also, I bet calling it a device makes it sound machine-like, well my bad on both accounts).
To me, the best thing about a condom (in case you haven’t realised) is its’ helping young girls avoid coming down with cases of pregivitis (my new slang for pregnancy). It suddenly feels like some young girls think their life hasn’t started yet until they catch pregivitis even in times when every Thomas, Dickson and Harry potter knows about a condom.
Heck! They even got dog condoms. Yeah! I was surprised too. Dog Condoms…what the hell, I thought to myself. I easily swallowed it with the mind that someone just wanted to make money so badly and therefore said that the world is being over populated with dogs and then comes up with the idea of making dog condoms in different sizes. Here is the crazy part; it could also come in different flavours: meat scented, blood scented maybe Faeces scented too…yuck!!
When man started growing wise (thanks to forbidden fruit) and wanted to enjoy intercourse but wasn’t ready for the responsibilities involved (which is unlike the men of nowadays), they thought about using things like animal horns and tortoise shells, crocodile skins etc (I secretly feel bad for the women though). Its only goes to show how much we do not appreciate all the progress we have generally made in life so far and also to show how strong the need is for modern man to want to go about living a primitive sort of life, like sticking his dunga-dunga in every hole available, without wrapping it.
To straighten up things in time, I should state that I don’t think it is mostly a man’s job to get a condom. Women also have their roles to play. I was talking to the boys the other day (just a couple of friends, not thugs or anything) and one was complaining of how he had a terrible case of blue balls because he wasn’t having any condom with him and his woman wouldn’t go bareback. He felt proud of her but then, it is not always so. Sadly some women really don’t give a darn whether or not a guy wants to go bareback, mostly because they are aroused and are at the point where they want it quickly (Point of no return), and in most cases it only pleases a guy more. Look at it this way. What dos a guy get from going bareback, a chance to get down with an STI but a lady; STI, Pregivitis and Stigmatization….that’s like a three in one package deal.
Now, even though twelve year olds know what a condom is (they really do know), not everyone knows how to use them, wear them or take care of them. Some guys carry condoms in their wallets for a long time, waiting and hoping for the day they get lucky. They sit on the wallet, rain beats it and all what not and yet when they get the chance, they feel lucky that they are already prepared and later shout “darn, it seems it broke”. Some others think using more than one at a time reduces the risk; not knowing multiple condoms equals multiple problems and the worst part is the disposal because I have seen some streets that has got more used condoms littered everywhere than there are sand in the street….Now, don’t be asking me what I was doing there, because I deny ever saying so.
A lot has been done and said about condoms. Sometime back, I read about a South African doctor who made a female condom with teeth to help fight against rapist (so rapists beware) and then there is the school of thought n(actually, just some guys I know who are wondering if a condom can prevent Magun).
Well, my advice is that everyone woman not ready to go down with pregivitis or an STI should make sure her man covers his stump before he humps, package his meat when in heat, during Valentine protect his pipeline and most importantly, wrap his member especially in December, who knows…maybe, just maybe, we could up the number of condoms used annually from 9 billion to 12 billion in the nearest future.
