WARNING: Some of you may question getting married or why you ever got married once you read this!
Often we find out the hard way that a lot that happens in a marriage is on the job training. However, there are still quite a few things that we can learn before we say” I do!”
With marriage being such a paramount decision that affects so much of our lives, you would think that people would slow down, stop rushing, and invest a little more time into understanding what it takes to be married.
I’ll be the first to admit that I don’t have all the answers, but here are some things that may help people realize they aren’t quite ready to make that lifelong commitment just yet and that they may have some work to do!
You haven’t survived any seasons yet!
If you’ve only been with someone during the lustful and good times then you have no idea how he or she will handle adversity and conflict. Marriage has seasons and you need to have an idea of how your future husband or wife can handle those not so pleasant ones.
1. You still think confrontation=communication
You always hear people say that communication is the key to marriage, yet so many times people enter marriage without knowing what good communication really looks like.
If you still believe that confrontation, criticism, and conflict is “communication,” then you might want to brush up on those skills first because you WILL need them.
2. You’re insecure and don’t trust your mate
In a marriage, trust is everything. If you don’t have it, then find it before you say “I DO.”
You aren’t financially stable or you don’t have a plan to get that way
Going into a marriage financially strained can be the beginning of the end to a marriage. Financial struggles cause emotional struggles which lead to mental and physical struggles. Get your finances in order and have a plan to succeed with your dollars and cents.
3. You don’t share the same values
If you don’t share the same values, it’s going to put a strain on how you build your relationship and how you raise a family. If you decide to marry anyway and your values clash, you will always just be running in place and getting nowhere fast.
4. You’re still entertaining others
If you can’t stop entertaining other suitors or stop flirting and pursuing others, then you probably won’t be able to deal with the reality of monogamy.
Monogamy takes a high level of discipline and a big part of it is to stop entertaining situations that can (and often do) lead to affairs.
5. You’re not ready to put your mate before your parents
If you are still too much of a mama’s boy or daddy’s girl to truly be willing to put your mate first, it will cause tension in your marriage and it will make the family dynamics toxic. You have to be willing to put your spouse before all others and that doesn’t just happen because you get a marriage license.
6. You still see ME instead of WE
Many people say they want to become “one,” but to say it and actually live it are two different things. Until you think about your spouse and consider him or her in every decision you make, you are still thinking of ME instead of WE and that will doom your marriage.
7. Good sex is all you have in common
As great as sex is, if your relationship isn’t built on a stronger foundation, it will crumble. No matter how much your toes curl and your eyes roll back in your head, there will come a time where you will need more. Make sure you have that “more” before getting married!
8. You’re still holding on to the past
If you are bringing up the past issues of your relationship every time you get into a disagreement, then it probably means you haven’t gotten over them. It also means you don’t need to get into a marriage while still holding on to unresolved issues. Let it go!
9. You don’t have a religious or spiritual plan
Spirituality will be crucial in holding your marriage together because it provides the necessary tools along with an effective game plan to make it successful. If you aren’t on the same page spiritually, the foundation will crumble.
10. You aren’t willing to sacrifice or compromise
If you are still very selfish and stubborn and you believe there is only one way and that’s YOUR way then you won’t survive in a marriage. Learn to compromise before the wedding.
11. You’re not 100% sure he or she wants to marry you
If your instincts tell you your mate is not 100% committed to what’s to come, you need to run while you still have time. A marriage needs both parties to be ALL IN before taking that plunge!
These things aren’t meant to scare you from wanting to be married because marriage is a great thing; but it houses some realities of what it takes to have a healthy marriage.
